dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
