Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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