woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
