how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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