Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Four minutes until I can fart!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
