my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
