well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
where are my eyebrows?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
