You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
