I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
now i know why i became what i already was.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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