yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
