I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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