mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
