K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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