I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
