so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
