jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
