Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
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There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
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It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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