How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
