pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
