I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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