He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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