Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
