im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize