he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
