just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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