it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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