Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
