Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just forgot I was standing up.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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