i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
