3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
