thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
