I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
