are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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