i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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