hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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