You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
