My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
