so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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