Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
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I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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