life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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