giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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