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lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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