Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
