After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
