therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
