Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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