Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
