all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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