He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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