***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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