I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
