I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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