I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
