New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
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I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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