I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
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The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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