I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
