He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize