So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
