That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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