my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Non-Jews are for practice
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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