I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
