party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
