Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
