I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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