he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
