I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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