Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
