i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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