I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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