I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
