best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
