I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
