dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
