You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
