U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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