Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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