She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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