i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
