Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I could make wine with my vomit
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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